I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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