Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
