im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
