what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
