He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
