Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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