Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
