3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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