Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
