Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
