Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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