He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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