i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
