I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
