I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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