I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
