She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
