i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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