It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
