Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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