yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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