you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
MIDGETS
????
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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