I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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