my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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