I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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