his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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