ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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