I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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