1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vagina is officially offended.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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