Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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