put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Duck Duck Cougar?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
