Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
