Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head