dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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