i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize