AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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