Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook

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  (517): i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook http://tfl.nu/5f2q
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (834)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?

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  (417): Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional? http://tfl.nu/5yvr
  Replies (7) Good night (1742) Bad night (658)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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  (410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n
  Replies (29) Good night (12751) Bad night (958)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...

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  (313): is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad... http://tfl.nu/md38
  Replies (26) Good night (570) Bad night (4266)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.

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  (206): he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him. http://tfl.nu/ufis
  Replies (22) Good night (648) Bad night (4301)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

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  (403): "Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/bmms
  Replies (15) Good night (3497) Bad night (859)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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  (270): I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut. http://tfl.nu/p9pu
  Replies (17) Good night (997) Bad night (2237)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they call him Oral-B. enough said

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  (905): they call him Oral-B. enough said http://tfl.nu/vhzo
  Replies (12) Good night (2966) Bad night (750)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any booze?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
  Replies (9) Good night (2224) Bad night (499)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?

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  (614): I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat. (1-614): Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate? http://tfl.nu/mxr5
  Replies (8) Good night (2510) Bad night (379)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.

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  (902): Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring. http://tfl.nu/d21p
  Replies (4) Good night (351) Bad night (1013)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.

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  (330): Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving. http://tfl.nu/wsf8
  Replies (2) Good night (843) Bad night (367)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.

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  (612): you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing. http://tfl.nu/yg2q
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (217)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....

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  (201): Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza..... http://tfl.nu/oi2c
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (284)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You suck, She hit so hard.

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  (602): I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice (623): You suck, She hit so hard. http://tfl.nu/fozp
  Replies (0) Good night (261) Bad night (491)

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