a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
40s are totally the cure
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit