the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.