I faked an abortion last night.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.