More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"