is your mom at the bar?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.