They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
