its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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