when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
