I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
