I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
