im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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