Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
