she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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