I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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