Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
