I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
