Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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