I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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