Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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