oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
