I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
