I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
