Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
