No stitches, just platelets and will power
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
