Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
