That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
