I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
