There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
