i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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