unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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