i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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