It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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