Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
